Taking the leap

Someone recently commented on one of my posts explaining how they didn’t quite know how they, after all the pain and disappointment in their lives, could move forward. I myself have been confronted with this question – being referred to as still being young, that my life will be filled with so much more disappointment and heartache.

“Learn from your mistakes and move forward” seems to be a phrase thrown around all too often. Learn from what exactly? That all nice guys turn out to be liars? That giving a relationship your all only leads to disappointment? There really is nothing to learn from, at least not anything you can apply in a future relationship since no two people are the same – you are left back at the start with no consolation prize – Face it, you lost. Of course it does all depend on how much you invested in the relationship to start with. I find that very few people give relationships their all, as if refusing to commit to what may or may not happen – Then there are others who invest way too much and it is they whom are left destroyed when a relationship doesn’t work out, while the other party walks away with little more than a few restaurant bills. But how do you get on with your life, how do you once again risk your love and your sanity for the possibility of a happy ending.

I doubt there are any people who can’t find at least one or two scars on their body somewhere. I know I have my fair share, and looking at one of them will naturally trigger a memory of the time you attained it. Just like the scar, the memory will never fade – It will be a part of you until the day you die. The same can be said about emotional scars – no matter how hard you try and conceal them, they will still remain visible. Sure plastic surgeons can lesson the appearance of a scar, just as a phycologist can lesson an emotional one. But scars are for the most part – permanent.

And yet we are still told that falling and getting hurt is a part of life, that you need to pick yourself up and try again, but did you bother to look at how beat up I actually am after that fall? I am not disputing that people don’t get hurt, but that doesn’t mean that it is a natural progression. I know I’m young, but life isn’t a competition to see how many times you can have your heart broken, the challenge is in finding the right guy and avoiding the process all together. I often dream of the day when I will be able to step off my ledge, without having to worry that I will smash into the pavement below – that maybe, just this one time, someone will catch me. Although it’s true that scars build character and are regarded as sexy, too many can be rather unsightly – and that idea has been stopping me from stepping off the ledge lately.

In a way I consider myself lucky – There are in fact those who don’t open their hearts, who dangle their feet off the edge, but are too chicken shit to jump down. To be honest, I pity those, because I know that in opening my heart and giving it my all, in closing my eyes and taking the leap – that I am a hell of a lot closer to finding love than they will ever be.