Straighten up

I have gotten so much feedback about the fact that I allowed myself to develop feelings for a married man – after all, aren’t there clearly defined lines between the gay world and that of the straight?

To be honest – It doesn’t even shock me anymore to walk into a gay bar and find that more than a handful of men are in fact there with their wives enjoying a night out. It all comes down to the very old principle of labelling – to label someone as either gay or straight seems to put people at ease, as if both terms have a completely different set of rules. Just as some people often say that being gay doesn’t define them, there are in fact others that say that it does – that someone could not look at them without seeing their state of sexuality. I am not a believer of the latter, after all, it would be unfair to expect people to treat you differently as a result of your sexuality.

As to why I choose to date essentially straight men – It really does all come down to a feeling that I’ve never really been able to explain. The best way I can describe it is by referring to the phrase “I love you” - It gets tossed around so often in relationships these days, and ultimately loses its meaning after a while. I find that gay men who are more straight by nature are rather guarded with their emotions – which might make it hard to develop a relationship at first. You see, even after entering into a relationship, the macho act never quite falls away, but every so often I have found myself completely speechless when a guy would hold the door for me or decide to prepare dinner – those little things are what make relationships all worth it for me at the end of the day. Sure, I could be with someone who would do these kinds of things all the time, but just like those three words, you start to take them for granted – until they eventually lose their special meaning. Although I can only speak for myself and how I experience relationships, I do sometimes feel that less is more – I know I am at my happiest when a man does something for me from the kindness of his heart and not because he is expected to.

One doesn’t fall in love with someone because they are gay or straight, after all – when the label makes you itch, just rip it off. People fall in love with people, irrelevant of age, race or sexuality. The choices people make behind closed doors might out right shock you, but why? Is it really that shocking that one man may find comfort in the arms of another, to want to feel close to someone, to feel safe and ultimately, to feel loved? No, no it is not shocking at all – these are things we all want to experience and whom we choose to experience them with should remain completely irrelevant.

So yes – I might view life a little differently to what others perceive to be reality, and that’s okay. A relationship shouldn’t be treated as a scale being kept in balance – I have learnt that giving without expecting anything in return can often lead to the greatest reward of all, as an unexpected act of love has a far greater impact than an anticipated requirement. Irrelevant of your sexuality – Love is something that should be felt without having to be said, but most importantly, to be experienced – Between anyone.