The price of admission

I have always loved roller coasters – but for me the best part was always the steep incline at the beginning. Feeling the adrenaline start to kick in and the anticipation of what’s to come. This is what dating in the gay world feels like to me. It’s all very exiting at first, the thrill of meeting someone new, the anticipation of what’s to come – Then comes that mother of a drop.

I think allot of people have a misperception about dating in the gay world – They stand at a distance, admiring the rollercoaster and think to themselves how much fun it must be to actually ride it, blissfully ignoring the screams of the riders – not even glancing twice at the warning sign telling them that the park will not be responsible for any injury.

Finding variety is a thing of the past when gay dating runs on a pre-determined track. Sure – the firsts few times are really enjoyable and give you a few thrills, as you meet new people, experience new things - and as the ride ends you rush back to the start of the que to ride again. But after a few times the ride isn’t so much fun anymore – You know where every twist and turn is, you anticipate every drop and when it’s all over you are left feeling nauseous and exhausted. I have gotten on that ride many times, enjoyed the first few thrills and surprises, but to be honest – I have reached the point of exhaustion – where one more ride might just lead to nausea.

Many people have shared their input with me, regarding what role your looks play in finding the type of guy that fits your image of the perfect man. Let me explain this by referring to that same rollercoaster. You arrive at the front of the line, subtly check out your reflection at the operating booth window (okay, maybe I’m the only one that does that) and then you get on the ride. The point is that it really doesn’t matter what you looked like before you got into your seat – because when that camera snaps a picture of you at the first drop – you’re going to look like crap no matter how you spin it. And that’s okay – you purchase the picture anyway, not because you liked the way your face looked, but because it holds a special memory, possibly with the person that was sitting next to you. The way someone looks is a very important part of starting a relationship as it’s all about attraction and chemistry, but after a while you start to look past all that – you get to wake up next to someone and still find yourself madly in love with them even though their teeth aren’t brushed and their hair is a mess. At first you fall in love with what you can see, what a person looks like and what they choose to show you, but after a while you start to love with more than your eyes, you start to love with your heart – The unfortunate truth is, that although this is exactly how I function, other good looking men do not and for those, the ride will be at it’s best before the photo is even taken.

At a mere 23 people look at me and ask how can I be so opinionated – so cynical to everyone around me. I respond by saying that I wish someone had told me all these things before I started dating men – Although I am pleased with the experiences I have had, it has left me wondering what advantages being gay really holds for someone. Most good looking men are like thrill junkies (read: junkies) who are always looking for the next big thing. I hear it time and time again – How after as little as a few months one partner decides to stray in search of the next big thing. You’d think the other party would choose not to stand for it, but the truth is that gay dating is so daunting, so time consuming and at the end of the day utterly soul diminishing that one would rather stay in the relationship than have to go to the back of the que to ride again.

From the outside the gay world can look like a fun ride – although the reality leaves much to be desired. When everyone else is giving a less than stellar performance I find it hard pressed to even care enough to try. After all, I was a rollercoaster enthusiast once upon a time – but now I find myself refunding my admission fee…