This question is extremely hard for me to answer, because I certainly am not a donkey – which would make me a racehorse, but that would mean that I would have to date a donkey. See the problem? I believe that this expression would in the traditional sense refer to success and which person in the relationship is the breadwinner. That’s all well and good, but doesn’t really apply to me. Now contradictory to what you may have assumed about me in previous posts, I’m not looking for a man to support me financially – and while I’m still looking for a successful man, in a relationship it’s not a competition between whon is better looking, who can make more money or who has the most pull in a relationship for that matter.
For me the expression means something deeper – for me it refers to emotional wealth. I would have to say that emotionally I am very strong and while wisdom may come with age, maturity does not. I might only be 23 on the outside, but have the maturity of a 30 year old. I have heard it so many times – that I am an extremely sorted young man, that I know exactly what I want and where I’m going. So that has to make me a racehorse right?
Well no, it’s not that simple – allow me to explain. Given my state of emotional maturity I also seek a man with the same level of maturity, someone that, to me, feels like we are connecting on the same level. Another racehorse then? So it seems like we are back at the start with some violent horse on horse action - not quite. Remember when I said one shouldn’t compromise – well, I was revering to the type of man you would like to date (emphasis on would like to). So now that you have the man of your dreams the hard part begins. A relationship isn’t a walk in the park – It is full of compromises around every corner, after all, relationships are at their best when both parties are happy. I believe this is something I do very well in a relationship – For what makes me the happiest is to see my partner happy, even if it means that I have to compromise on what I want.
What I’m trying to say is that it is possible for two racehorses to be in a relationship – It’s all about balance. I can’t be strong all the time – it’s not humanly possible, and in those times I would like to have someone to hold and care for me as I play the role of the donkey so to speak, just as I would do the same for my partner. In the gay world people are so use to labelling others and then placing them into a certain box, but just because that’s the way it is doesn’t mean that that’s the way it should be. People can’t be defined as one thing or another – we are complex beings, we adapt to our environment and what is a relationship if not another unique environment.
Wow. Have really enjoyed reading your posts. Very insightful and deep. I am in no position to shed any pearls of wisdom so I shant.
ReplyDeleteJust maybe dont be so hard on people. People do the best that they can do. Its good not to settle - but for me the number one is I want someone who has the ability to make me laugh till my stomach hurts. But like you say - everyone has their own list.
Best of luck with the married man. From what you have said you have done for him though, you sound really special....
Thank you so much - your comment means allot to me. I absolutely agree that some people do the best they can, but at the end of the day like you said it's all about your own taste and what you want in a man.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things you can have your own way with when choosing whom to date. But when you are actually dating that person it's not only about what you want anymore. As the saying goes “easy come, easy go” – We sometimes take things for granted when they are easy to attain, so challenge yourself to find your prince charming - At least then you’ll know that you got the best man you possibly could, not take him for granted and work that much harder to build your life together.
But yes, having someone that makes you laugh is the best feeling and I too would (and am holding) onto a man like that!
i know. I have no claim on your thoughts or your experiences, but at age 23 i must honestly say that I think holding onto a married man is not good for you! Especially since it sounds like you are able to have your pick of guys!
ReplyDeleteDont get me wrong - I dont say it in the negative 'bed hopping' sense. I think though that are some for whom these love relationships are not all invariably transient. A married man is not one of these. He has his own path to follow. But again - I have no idea about what actually went on there.
From my own experience I am glad I have moved on from the man I thought I wanted. He was a bad man. He caused me a great amount of trauma - and sadly a lot of it was my fault. I guess in terms of my experience, I can safely say that I was clueless at 23! (a mere two years ago).
I dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. I dont want someone to settle for me either. This makes the probability of ending up alone quite high. Am i hopeful? I dont know. I guess i just try to not think in such black and white terms anymore. The desperation to ebe in a relationship has passed. But the desire to be wanted and be loved has not.
I dont know. Sometimes i think being straight is the way forward!!!
anyway - stay in touch -
much love and strength. Sometimes the pain of wanting something so much is really overwhelming. I hope you dont have to feel that way for too much longer.